This week I attended the American Association for Agricultural Educators conference in Oklahoma City, Ok. Conferencing this year has been super interesting. Conferencing as a professional is stress-free conferencing lol. Not worried about the job search, not worried about if people like me (because I’m not looking for a job lol), and not stressed about dissertating or classwork. I presented my own research for the first time at this particular conference, and I am happy to say that it was well-received. In all honesty, I went in with my guard up because I wasn’t sure how folks would react to my research. No one asked me anything strange and there were no contrary comments. Afterwards, I had interesting conversations about my research with faculty and students throughout the day and the next day.
While I was prepared to defend my research, I wasn’t ready for what happened at the poster session the next day. There I was, listening to a doctoral student (AKA "Doc Student") talk about her poster, when a white man (AKA “The Guy”) walks up and pulls Doc Student off to the side. Like, she was in the middle of her sentence. She was there one minute and poof; gone. And I mean…he didn’t slowly walk up, he didn’t say excuse me, didn’t introduce himself…just rude chile. So, the co-author of the poster tries to smooth things over but really it just pissed me off more. I had to walk away.
Maybe 20 or 30 minutes go by (it felt like an hour) and I’m at another poster trying to listen but honestly, I’m thinking about how I’m going to cuss The Guy out…I look back and Doc Student is behind me patiently waiting for me to finish at the poster. I go to talk to her and she starts apologizing but she has nothing to apologize for and I told her so. Next thing I know, she’s in tears. So now I *know* I have to tell this man about himself. After she gathers herself, I tell her I still want to hear about her poster if she still wants to tell me about it. “Let’s try this again.”
Doc Student tells me about her poster, her advisor apologizes for The Guy’s behavior, we talk about some other results in the research, and we all exchange cards. So now, let’s fast-forward to after lunch.
I am sitting at the table by myself…and I see The Guy walking around, being social. And then I see my chance. He walks by my table and he’s by himself. I wave him down. My heart is BEATING. I’m sweating just a little bit. Am I going to yell? cry? punch him?
“Hi, I’d like to talk to you about something from this morning.”
He sits down next to me and introduces himself. I introduce myself and get right to it.
“I would just like to understand what you were thinking this morning when you interrupted myself and a grad student talking about her poster. She was in the middle of her sentence, and you came and pulled her off to the side. As if I wasn’t there. I thought maybe for a minute I was invisible but you came over just now, so I know I’m not.”
He apologized. It was a fine apology. I encouraged him to apologize to the student as well if he sees her. He said he would. Who knows if he did.
It was over. I felt like I could finally breathe again.
In the end I did the mature thing. I think that was the grown up Libra in me who hates conflict. But I also have a lot of Sagittarius in my chart so I still kinda want to fight lol.
How wild is it that I present my research about Black women’s experiences that included very specific data about conference experiences? Not just any conference, but the very conference I was at. At this point, I could have added myself into the presentation. One of the women in my study was treated as if she was invisible at the AAAE conference and then the day after I presented that data I was treated the same. If I was 10-15 years younger...the thin-skinned, hot-headed me would have caused a scene right then, right there. I would have probably decided to never attend that conference again.
However, my overall experience was a good one. I think there were about 10 Black folks at the conference, domestic and international, and most of us hung pretty tight throughout the week. I also got to hang out with one of my committee members, a faculty who was new when I graduated, made new connections with graduate students and faculty, and was finally able to put faces to names.
Rode scooty bikes with Nick and Jenn * Grabbed dinner with Courtney * HBCU grad link up with Aaron, Jenn, and Ryan (who won 2022 Outstanding Thesis!)
Some folks in the organization have some work to do (we all do). The question “Is sexism real?” was actually asked during a presentation and I heard an incredibly inappropriate story that was told during a presentation which I won’t repeat. We all make mistakes but to do better, you have to actually try. Think before you speak. After my presentation I was talking to a couple of white faculty who were wondering if they have ever made their students of color uncomfortable and how their students feel they’re being treated. The first step is that they’re even asking the questions. Now what?
Read some literature and talk to your students. I am not the first person to research Black women in doctoral programs. Research older than me is out there for you to read. That is part of why I did not give any recommendations. Teachers don’t give answers; but give you something to think about…get you going in the right direction. Now you go do the work. Talk to your students and I mean genuinely, talk to them. Reference my presentation if you feel like that will give you a good segue into the conversation. But do something. We need to have conversations not just about race, but also about how we treat grad students. Why did The Guy feel it was ok to treat us that way? Just because someone has less power than you (or has perceived less power) does not mean you get to treat them any ole kind of way. In fact, you should be working harder to protect them. And setting good examples for them.
Doc Student is going to remember for a long time how she was treated and how it made her feel, and will connect it with that particular conference and with that faculty member. I hope she also remembers that we were able to link back up, talk about possible collaboration, and exchange cards. I hope she knows one day that I did say something to The Guy, and I hope she continues to attend conferences and share her work.
I don’t have a good way to end this. I just needed this to be out there. Hopefully, it will help to open some folks’ eyes as to how Black folks are treated. None of the Black ag faculty I know were at the conference. Why do y’all think that is?
✌🏾
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